When couples marry for the first time, the religion that is the strongest for
either the bride or groom is typically the one the children, if any, are
exposed to and raised in. The couple either follows that one religion or no religion at all. By the time that couple separates, and either is ready to marry again, their
individual spiritual beliefs may become more important as integral parts of who
they are. They would like to be able to blend their religious experience with that of
their new partner and express both in a manner that is comfortable for them.
When a couple comes to us, either Jewish/Catholic, Jewish/Protestant, or any
other combination, the first thing we remind the couple of is the concept that
we all worship one God. That is the most important factor. However, we choose to recognize that, be it God, Goddess, or “All That Is,” we still worship the Oneness of the Supreme Being.
That understanding begins the process of bringing the faiths of the couple
closer together. We talk with them about creating a space in their lives for some form of worship
and about allowing for the differences in each religion. If children are involved in the re-marriage, we recommend that the couple bring
up the children in both faiths at first, exposing them to all the holidays in
both religions, and then let the children choose as they get older.
We begin by determining where each member of the couple is in their own
spiritual practice. Are they going to attend services regularly or just on holidays? Do they hold God in their hearts but don’t attend regular services, or were they raised in a particular faith but have no
fixed way of worship currently? All of these are great places to begin.
Second (or more) wedding ceremonies should reflect the best of the beliefs
and/or customs of the individual bride and groom; things they truly wish to
say. In an Interfaith Marriage, this might include certain prayers or readings from
each religion, or if there are cultural traditions, we can incorporate those. For instance, a Chinese wedding can include a Blessing of the Ancestors as part
of the unity candle ceremony, or a Celtic ceremony can include the wrapping and
blessing of hands right before the vows. An old Sicilian custom is the kissing of the wedding ring before the groom
places it on the bride’s finger. All of these traditions make for a very different and special touch.
Other aspects of the ceremony (the vows, the exchange of rings, blessings,
readings, and benedictions) can be as personal as the couple would like to make
them. They can be anything, from the lyrics of a favorite Springsteen song about love,
to the poetry of e.e. cummings. The beautiful thing about second marriages is that anything goes, as long as the
real desires of the couple are respected.
Bringing any children of the partners into the encore wedding ceremony can also
be rewarding, if the children wish to participate. From having a son escort his mom down the aisle or be his Dad’s best man, to having the children light unity candles with their new family,
the children can be an integral part of the ceremony. It is a way of allowing them to feel that they can also fit into, and contribute
to, this new arrangement.
One of the greatest joys for us, as a couple and as Interfaith clergy, is having
a couple come to us wishing to do their wedding ceremony their own way. We love being able to say “The answer to all of your questions is ‘YES’. Now what are your questions?”