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Encore Weddings For The Interfaith Bride and GroomThe greatest joy and the greatest challenge for the interfaith encore bride and groom is claiming their own religious heritage and celebrating it together, in their marriage ceremony and in their lives. The respecting and joining of two faiths or two spiritual practices is a powerful statement about what it is that the encore couple wishes to claim. When couples marry for the first time, the religion that is strongest in either the bride or groom is usually the one the children, if any, are exposed to and are raised in. The couple either follow that one religion or no religion at all. By the time that couple separates, either by death of one spouse or divorce, and either is ready to marry again, their individual spiritual beliefs have become more important as integral parts of who they are. They would like to be able to blend their religious experience with that of their partner and express both in a manner that is comfortable for them. When a couple comes to us, either Jewish/Catholic, Jewish/Protestant or any other combination, the first thing we remind the couple is the concept that we all worship one God. That is the most important factor. However we choose to recognize that, be it God, Goddess or "All That Is," we still worship that Oneness of the Supreme Being. That understanding begins the process of bringing the faiths of the couple closer together. We talk with them about creating a space in their lives for some form of worship and about allowing for the differences in each religion. If children are involved in the remarriage, we recommend the couple bring up the children in both faiths at first, exposing them to all the holidays in both religions, and then let the children choose as they get older. Couples should not give up their own personal faith, even if their children, or they as a couple, decide to choose one faith over the other. This begins the interfaith ceremony. We begin by determining where each member of the couple is in their own spiritual practice. Are they going to services regularly or just on holidays? Do they hold God in their hearts but don't attend regular services, or were they raised in a particular faith but have no fixed way of worship currently? All of these are great places to begin. Encore wedding ceremonies should reflect the best of the beliefs and/or customs of the individual bride and groom; things they truly wish to say. In an interfaith marriage, this might include certain prayers or readings from each religion, or if one has cultural traditions, we can incorporate those. For instance, a Chinese wedding can include a Blessing of the Ancestors as part of the unity candle ceremony, or a Celtic ceremony can include the wrapping and blessing of hands right before the vows. An old Sicilian custom is the kissing of the wedding ring before the groom places it on the bride's finger. All of these traditions make for a very different and personal touch. Other aspects of the ceremony (the vows, exchange of rings, blessings, readings, and benedictions) can be as personal as the couple would like to make them. They can be anything, from the lyrics of a favorite Springsteen song about love, to the poetry of e.e.cummings. The beautiful thing about encore weddings is that anything goes, as long as the real desires of the couple are respected. Bringing any children either of the partners have into the encore wedding marriage ceremony can also be rewarding, if the children wish to participate. From having a son escort his mom down the aisle to having the children light unity candles with their new family, the children can be an integral part of the ceremony. It is a way of allowing them to feel that they can also fit into, and contribute to, this new arrangement. One of the greatest joys for us, as a couple about to be married ourselves and also as interfaith clergy, is having a couple come to us wishing to do their wedding ceremony differently. We love being able to say "The answer to all of your questions is 'yes.' Now what are your questions?" |